Hindi ko na kaya!

Everyone must obey. All of us. Children obey their parents. Parents follow their boss in the workplace or those who are older than them. But we do not just follow. We also have those who follow us. We are not only people who obey. We are not only people who follow. We have also people who follow us. We have also people who obey us. Not as a result of giving commands but they follow by example. They follow by your good example. We all have that. And most of all, we all follow and obey God. But there are different kinds of followers. In different chapters. In different episodes. There are three chapters of discipleship.

The first chapter of discipleship is what we could call ‘Alay’ (Offering/Sacrifice). Sacrifice – this means giving of oneself to the Lord. And in giving oneself to God, you are rewarded by that rewarding feeling knowing that you did the right thing. Sacrifice. An offering to the Lord. You will give an offering to God…an offering to the poor…an offering to those in need. And afterwards, you gain the best feeling in knowing that you did the right thing. But that is just elementary level. Did you ever notice that as you give more and more…with offering on top of another offering, we come to a point of exhaustion? There comes a point where you feel tempted and ask, Why do I keep on giving? There comes a point where you question– What am I doing here? What do I stand to gain from all this? And it’s not just that. You come to realize that with your offering comes a lot of hardships. I go to mass, I pray constantly…yet I am the one stricken with a sickness. But the one who never goes to mass, he is strong and healthy. I pray. I obey the commandments of God but why is this happening to me? Why did I become an orphan? Why am I the one being sued? Why am I the one suffering? Why are they talking behind my back? Why am I being punished? And you will start to queston – Lord, are you still there? Lord, do you still listen to my prayers…when I say – Lord, hear our prayers?

What comes after Sacrifice? Aray (Pain).

When you experience the pain and you’d say – Wait, please take it slow. Wait, this might break me. Wait, this might wound me. Wait, that hurts so much. Even so, the Lord never ceases in His call to follow Him. You are in pain. You are in pain because you want to do something but you are not able to. You are in pain because even if you’re doing the right thing, nothing good has come out of it. You are hurting because even if you want to offer the best to the Lord, your offering comes out uglier and uglier. And you wonder to yourself– Am I worthy to make an offering? When you come to a point that it is no longer beautiful…it is no longer sweet…it no longer beautiful music that plays in the background as we make our offering to the Lord but it is pain that we hear instead. Let us remind ourselves of the first sorrowful mystery. The agony in the garden. When the Lord said – Father, let this suffering pass me by. He was afraid. Father, why have you forsaken me? Aray (Ouch). I have long been suffering. Are you still there? But the call to serve remains. Follow me.

And the third chapter, after Sacrifice and Pain, the Lord shall grant His mercy to be able to say – Amen. To be able to say unto the Lord – So what if I die? What if I get wounded? What if I bleed? What if I suffer? What if my burden becomes to heavy for me to bear? If all these came from you, Lord…Amen.

Will I die in my old age? Will I die young? Will I be sent to prison because of you? Will be cursed, threatened because of you? When we come to a point in our lives when we must stand for our response to the Lord, I hope that we are able to say – Amen. And even in death, let us say unto the Lord – Lord, if I must die for your sake, I have but one prayer. May someone benefit from my death.

Lord, if I am now called to die. I only ask you – Bless another person because of my death and my death will be meaningful and beautiful enough to be embraced.

Three chapters. Alay. Aray. Amen. (Sacrifice. Pain. Amen.)

If you are in that chapter of ‘Sacrifice’ and you are experiencing pain, you have the option to relax. You have the option of taking a vacation and stay in that chapter of ‘Sacrifice’. But if you are filled with courage, you will choose to endure the pain because in your heart, you know that…you are being molded by Jesus Christ. And when you find yourself in so much pain, and you feel so alone…look upon Him who is nailed to the cross and tell yourself this – Amen. It is finished. Into your hands I commend my spirit.

And when we are eventually called to die and someone benefitted from our death…when we are laid to rest and something grew from our resting place, then we have really become disciples of the Lord.

Today, my question to you is – Where are you as a follower/disciple?

Honeymoon? Alay (Sacrifice)? That sweet feeling. Sense of lightness.

Aray (Pain)? Dark. Heavy. Painful. Enduring the pain.

Or Amen? Painful. Heavy. But no longer enduring because I am now content with the burden I carry, because in my heart, I know that He will never leave me behind. That is where God is. That is what discipleship means. Discipleship will not be easy. Discipleship will not be always convenient. Discipleship can be painful. But if you carry on, you’re going to become free of pain because your pain, united with Jesus, will set other lives free from sin.

Where are you in your discipleship? Sacrifice….Pain…or Amen?

Lahat ng tao ay kailangang sumunod. Lahat tayo. Bata, sumusunod sa magulang. Magulang, sumusunod sa boss sa trabaho o sa mas matanda. Pero hindi lang tayo sumusunod. Tayo rin ay mayroong sumusunod sa atin. We are not only people who obey. We are not only people who follow. We have also people who follow us. We have also people who obey us. Hindi naman palaging nag-uutos pero sumusunod dahil sa halimbawa. Sumusunod dahil sa magandang example. Lahat tayo may ganun. At higit sa lahat, tayong lahat pare-parehong sumusunod sa Diyos. Pero iba-iba ho ang uri ng taga-sunod. Iba-iba ang chapter. Iba-iba ang episode. Mayroong tatlong yugto ang pagsunod.

 

Ang unang yugto ng pagsunod ay pwede kong sabihing ‘Alay’. Alay – ibig sabihin, nagbibigay ka ng sarili sa Diyos. At pagkabigay ka ng sarili sa Diyos, sinusuklian ka naman ng magandang pakiramdam na tama yung ginawa mo. Alay. Magbibigay ka sa Diyos. Mag-aalay ka sa Diyos ng buhay…ng alay sa mahihirap…ng alay sa mga nangangailangan. At pagkatapos noon, maganda iyong pakiramdam mo kasi alam mong gumawa ka ng kabutihan. Pero grade one lamang po iyon. Di ba nyo napansin sa ating buhay, kapag bigay ka nang bigay…alay ka nang alay, dumadating din iyong pagod? Dumarating din iyong tukso na sabihin, ako na lang ba parati ang magbibigay? Dumadating din iyong tukso na – Ano bang ginagawa ko dito? Ano bang napapala ko dito? At hindi lang iyon. Mararamdaman mo rin na nag-aalay ka na nga, pinahihirapan ka pa. Nagsisimba ka…nagdadasal ka…bakit ako may sakit? Samantalang iyong hindi naman nagsisimba, ayon at malakas. Nagdadasal ako. Sumusunod sa mga utos ng Diyos pero bakit ako ang nagkakaganito? Bakit ako ang ulila? Bakit ako ang nademanda? Bakit ako ang nahihirapan? Bakit ako ang pinag-uusapan? Bakit ako ang sinisiraan? At magtatanong-tanong ka – Panginoon, andiyan ka pa ba? Panginoon, ikaw pa ba iyong sumusunod sa aking mga panalangin kapag sinasabi kong – Panginoon, dinggin mo ang aking panalangin?

Ano pagkatapos ng alay? Aray.

Nasasaktan ka na at parang gusto mong sabihin – Sandali lang, dahan-dahan naman. Sandali lang, baka mabali ako. Sandali lang, baka masugatan ako. Sandali lang, masakit na iyan ah. Pero hindi tumitigil ang Diyos sa pagsasabi sa ating sumunod ka sa akin. Nasasaktan ka. Nasasaktan ka kasi meron kang gustong gawin na hindi mo magawa. Nasasaktan ka kasi mabuti ang ginagawa mo, ang sukli sa iyo ay masama. Nasasaktan ka kasi gusto mong mag-alay ng maganda sa Diyos pero papangit nang papangit iyong inaalay mo. At nagtataka ka – Pwede pa ba akong mag-alay? Pag dumating na ang yugto na hindi na maganda, hindi na matamis, hindi na maganda ang musika ng pag-aalay natin sa Diyos at aray na ang naririnig natin. Balikan natin ang unang misteryo ng hapis. The agony in the garden. When the Lord said – Father, let this suffering pass me by. Natatakot siya. Father, why have you forsaken me? Aray. Hirap na hirap nako. Andiyan pa po ba kayo? Pero, tuloy pa rin ang tawag. Sumunod ka pa rin sa akin.

At ang pangatlong yugto ay pagkatapos ng alay at nandoon ang aray, bibigyan ka pa rin ng awa ng Diyos para sabihing, Amen. Para sabihin sa Diyos – E ano kung mamatay ako? E ano kung masugatan ako? E ano kung magdugo? E ano kung mahirapan ako? E ano kung mabigat yung dala-dala ko? Kung galing sa inyo, Panginoon…Amen.

Mamatay ba akong matanda? Mamatay ba akong bata? Ikukulong ba ako dahil sa inyo. Mumurahin ako, pagbabantaan ba ako dahil sa inyo? Kapag dumating yung yugto ng ating buhay na kailangan nating panindigan iyong ating tugon sa Panginoon, sana masabi nating – Amen. At kahit mamatay, sabihin natin sa Panginoon – Panginoon, kung kailangan na po talaga akong mamatay para sa inyo, iisa lang ang dalangin ko. Sana may makinabang sa aking kamatayan.

Lord, if I am now called to die. I only ask you – Bless another person because of my death and my death will be meaningful and beautiful enough to be embraced.

Tatlong yugto. Alay. Aray. Amen.

Minsan, kung nasa ‘Alay’ tayo at masasaktan ka, pwede ka muna mag-relax. Puwede ka munang magbakasyon at manatili ka na lang sa alay. Pero kung matapang-tapang ang loob mo, titiisin mo iyong ‘aray’ sapagkat alam mo na binubuo ka…hinuhubog ka ni Hesus. At kung sakaling aray na aray ka na talaga, at parang nangungulila ka na…tingnan mo lang iyong nakapako sa krus at sabihin mo sa sarili mo – Amen. It is finished. Into your hands I commend my spirit.

At kung tayo nga ay mamatay at mayroong makinabang sa ating kamatayan. At kung tayo nga ay ilibing at may tumubo sa ating libingan, then we have really become disciples of the Lord.

Ngayong araw na ito, ang tanong ko sa inyo – Nasaan ka bilang alagad?

Honeymoon? Alay? Matamis na pakiramdam. Magaang pakiramdam.

Aray? Madilim. Mabigat. Masakit. Tinitiis.

O Amen? Masakit. Mabigat. Pero hindi na nagtitiis sapagkat masaya na ako sa aking pinapasan, sapagkat alam ko hindi niya ako iiwanan. That is where God is. That is what discipleship means. Discipleship will not be easy. Discipleship will not be always convenient. Discipleship can be painful. But if you carry on, you’re going to become free of pain because your pain, united with Jesus, will set other lives free from sin.

Nasaan ka? Alay….Aray…o Amen?